Love is dead! Swipe right!

In high school & college, we crossed paths with attractive members of the opposite sex (or same, depending on your preference), daily. When the stars really aligned, we found ourselves way into one person, enough to commit to spending time & having sex with them on the regs. Life was simpler, and love was a real thing that actually felt like it existed. Then it was over, unless you married that last person and are now probably a little bit miserable, otherwise, it inevitably ended, as these things do. So here you are, 20 something, “over” that ex, ready to move on. The only problem is, you’re no longer surrounded by potential lovers, you’re surrounded by idiots, or, your coworkers. None of them are hot, except maybe that one who’s already in a relationship & probably a little bit miserable. You don’t go to bars that often because, well, bars are stupid & very much a waste of everyone’s time & money. So, how do you get back in the game? You haven’t had sex in so long, you’re basically a virgin again, and you’re not getting any younger. Oh, of course; dating apps! Tinder, OK Cupid, Hapn, Bumble, other weird names; look at all these attractive profiles! She’s hot, right swipe! She’s not, left swipe! Am I an asshole for judging that person based on the way she looks in one picture? Yep! Anyway, back to swiping! Oh, a match! She’s pretty cute, right?! We’re having some good conversations. We’re gonna hang! We’re having sex! Wow, that was easy! I wonder if she’s doing this exact same thing with other people she’s matched with? Yep! She totally is! Oh well, I wouldn’t want to spend the rest of my life with someone who signed up for this, even though I totally also signed up for this. And what would we tell people? What would we tell our kids?
“Mommy was very attractive, so daddy swiped right. Then used the same line I copy & pasted on every other girl I matched with. & it worked! Then, mommy met me at The Woods for overpriced drinks, and we fell in love. Eventually.”
That sounds awful. Hold up, why did I sign up for this? Oh, right; sex. But what about love? Spoiler: you’re not going to find it in the app store. Happy swiping!

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