We Fell In Love In New York City

She put on her best dress, the one she’s worn way too many times to count.
The one that’s so beautiful it looks like it may still have a tag or two to rip.
She didn’t expect to see me or even know who I was or why this day would be important.
She stood there, the subject of the attention of everyone, completely oblivious to the fact.
I was with someone else at the time. I was with this someone else & I loved her, but I didn’t really know myself, which always makes it so much more difficult.
But that night, in that dress, with that same unchanging expression, she completely desensitized me to everything I thought I felt. I told her I love her, already.
I asked her if she loved me too
she said ‘Not yet, but you’re cool.’
So I went home & I did the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, with no regard as to how selfish my decision would be perceived by others. I told the only love I’ve ever known there may or may not be someone else but there’s definitely something. And I need to explore that something.
And I left her without any emotional conclusion.
No kiss.
No sex.
Just one way flight itinerary.
So she put on that same dress she wore that night we weren’t supposed to meet
And I said “You always wear that. Thank you.”
I don’t know if she got it or if she even hears me when I try to be profound.
Words don’t seem to matter to her nearly as much as behavior.
I haven’t asked her again whether or not she loves me.
It’s implied.

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