She put on her best dress, the one she’s worn way too many times to count.
The one that’s so beautiful it looks like it may still have a tag or two to rip.
She didn’t expect to see me or even know who I was or why this day would be important.
She stood there, the subject of the attention of everyone, completely oblivious to the fact.
I was with someone else at the time. I was with this someone else & I loved her, but I didn’t really know myself, which always makes it so much more difficult.
But that night, in that dress, with that same unchanging expression, she completely desensitized me to everything I thought I felt. I told her I love her, already.
I asked her if she loved me too
she said ‘Not yet, but you’re cool.’
So I went home & I did the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, with no regard as to how selfish my decision would be perceived by others. I told the only love I’ve ever known there may or may not be someone else but there’s definitely something. And I need to explore that something.
And I left her without any emotional conclusion.
Just one way flight itinerary.
So she put on that same dress she wore that night we weren’t supposed to meet
And I said “You always wear that. Thank you.”
I don’t know if she got it or if she even hears me when I try to be profound.
Words don’t seem to matter to her nearly as much as behavior.
I haven’t asked her again whether or not she loves me.